What Does It Mean To Be A Gentleman Today?

What Does It Mean To Be A Gentleman Today?

Written by Dr. Larry

What does it mean to be a gentleman?

Well I think it means a couple things.

Classically, sure, you are chivalrous, hold doors and look good in a suit.

But in the 21st century, there’s a new gentleman, there’s more to it today. It goes deeper.

  1. Emotional wisdom. Vulnerabilty. Depth, doing the work.
  2. Sense of mission and purpose about your life.
  3. Take care of yourself–body, exercise, diet, mentally.
  4. It’s win-win, not be the lone alpha


I think about when I told a buddy I missed him, and he reciprocated. That was pretty cool–we connected, it was a shared moment of vulnerability. Appropriate. As opposed to when I’m in the ER, a patient asks me if they should worry about their chest pain, and I’m like, “Well it’s probably not meningitis, but I failed a couple of micro tests my 2nd year of medical school (true story), so I’m not so strong here.” Inappropriate vulnerability, counterproductive sharing. Bad idea. And I am confident on meningitis today, don’t you worry.

The point is, men today have the opportunity to dig in, get deeper, sort out our shit in a way that men 50 and even 30 years didn’t have the ability to do. With such greater understanding of trauma psychology and positive psychology, and–with a generation of women who are evolving rapidly and need partners who are emotionally at their level. Why? To truly share the best things about life, we need to not just bring our A game, but do the work to get there.


This goes beyond having a job that you love and making money, although that is ideal. I’m talking about doing something that has meaning and fires you up, and living in alignment with the following–that we are all going to fucking die one day. You, me, your dad, your girlfriend. Our time here is limited. We can either fear that (I’ve had some anxiety about it since I turned 40 honestly), or buckle up and kick some serious ass on the ride. Up to you.


I don’t like that phrase, it’s too girly. But it’s true. In order to live the life and get the years we all want, we have to take care of our bodies–not only our blood pressure and cholesterol, but our weight, fuel nutrition, movement. Mental maintenance.

Here’s the analogy. You are a car. What kind of car are you? Are you a Ferrari, Tesla or BMW? Or more like a beat up 84’ Ford F150? Do you treat your body like a beater or a luxury mobile? How often do you change the oil? What happens when you don’t? The engine goes bad, right? Oil is taking care of your blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol. And what kind of fuel are you putting in? Are you putting the cheapest stuff into a Lambo? Or diesel into an engine built for propane? High quality food affects performance, and I’m not just talking automobiles.

You get the point. If self care isn’t the language, maybe maintenance is. Treat yourself like the luxury sports car you want to be.


Finally, today it is far superior to think win-win than trying to be the alpha ape dominating the social circle. Leading men today believe in abundance, that there’s enough for everybody, in interdependence. We are not islands, uber independent. Loneliness kills, the research is out.

This is today’s leading man. The gentleman of the 21st century. Your best.

Let’s make him, together.

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