Do You Believe In A Soul Mate?
Written by Dr. Larry
Do you believe you have a soul mate? In lesson 8 of her book “Loving Bravely,” Dr Alexandra Solomon discusses 3 different understandings of a soul mate. Which resonates most with your understanding? Check out the excerpts below from her book.
I think it’s kind of fun to think about this and play with our own beliefs. I’ll get to what I think in a moment, but more importantly, I think it’s essential to be able to reflect on your own beliefs, to be conscious of them, and the way that they operate in your daily life and affect you. Soulmate is a great example, and the author discusses 3 ways in which these beliefs, these ideas, make marriage easier or more difficult. For example, believing that your soulmate is ordained by God for you may keep you together, but for those of us who have not yet found that soulmate, it can lead to quite the wild goose chase. What are your beliefs about this and how do they affect your current situation, for better and for worse?
A SOUL MATE IS A FELLOW TRAVELER
For me, I do believe that a soulmate is a fellow traveler, #2 in this list, a companion, and I value sharing life with people, especially the most intimate things with one person, including creating a shared story and vision for the future, children.
A SOUL MATE WAKES YOU UP
I have recently come to appreciate #3, a soul mate wakes you up, where an intimate relationship allows you to grow as a person, spiritually. It can be the crucible through which we can expand as human beings. This part sounds really good in a blog, but it’s incredibly painful, uncomfortable, embarrassing, you have to confront your own “what’s wrong with me feelings” (shame) and your demons, your Darkside. The stuff is actually really horrible to experience, but incredibly fertile soil for the most legit personal growth. This is the hard part, but I think it’s so important.
A SOUL MATE IS YOUR BASHERT
So what’s my opinion? The real question that I wonder about soul mates, the controversial concept in my mind, is #1 the idea that a soulmate is your Bashert. I don’t believe that there’s only one person out there, perhaps fate and the universe bring people to us, and then it’s up to us to take it from there. I like to think that there is meaning and general guidance to our lives including our most intimate encounters, but maybe that’s just because it makes me feel safer on this planet.
Deep down I do believe in true love, true romantic life long unwavering affection for another person, I believe that the real thing pairs us in a fated destiny sort of way, although it is us and our choosing one another that makes it this way, not some pre-ordained arrangement by Zeus, and that and this kind of soulmate bond has the power to transform and purify us, both through the love of another human being and also by the challenges that they force us to face in our own limitations and humanity. Again this all sounds happily ever after, but it is often slogging through the mud. The big question when it comes to soulmate has to include the following—who do you wanna slog through that mud with? In good times and bad, baby, in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer. At Disneyland and on the therapists couch!
YOUR BELIEFS MATTER
I hope you’ve enjoyed this discussion about soul mates, but don’t forget to realize the bigger implications: our beliefs matter. They affect our lives, often in the most profound of ways. Regularly take the time to be aware of what your beliefs actually are, and to examine how they are impacting your life–the good and the bad. Might you have some tweaks to beliefs that can make your life better? Of course.